Brainage Drainage

Hello No One,

Today was a blah day. Do you have blah days, No One? Of course you do. We all do.

I barely slept last night. I don't know why. Actually, I have a pretty good idea why. But it's not something I will write about on a blog at this time. Or ever.

Basically, I had no sleep last night... so today, I felt really sick. I left my first class early, e-mailed the professor of my other class and went to bed. It wasn't just exhaustion, either, although that was a part of it. I kept feeling really hot, and then cold, and generally weak all the time. Dizziness, headaches, stomachaches, all day. (What in the world, body?!) I slept until 3. And then I worked from 3:30 to 6:20. I tried to study for my art history quiz tomorrow after dinner (which, by the way, was a really bad idea... food and I still aren't good friends) but I'm such a sickling that I think I'm just gonna go to bed.

Brainage drainage. That's my unofficial diagnosis. Courtesy of Meg, WebMD, and my own knowledge. I hope my body is able to pull it's act together soon!

My heart an altar, and Thy love the frame

Spirit of God, descend upon my heart;

Wean it from earth; through all its pulses move;

Stoop to my weakness, mighty as Thou art;

And make me love thee as I ought to love.

I ask no dream, no prophet ecstasies,

No sudden rending of the veil of clay,

No angel visitant, no opening skies;

But take the dimness of my soul away.

Teach me to feel that Thou art always nigh;

Teach me the struggles of the soul to bear.

To check the rising doubt, the rebel sigh,

Teach me the patience of unanswered prayer.

Hast Thou not bid me love Thee, God and King?

All, all Thine own, soul, heart and strength and mind.

I see Thy cross; there teach my heart to cling;

O let me seek Thee, and O let me find!

Teach me to love Thee as Thine angels love,

One holy passion filling all my frame;

The kindling of heaven descended Dove,

My heart an altar, and Thy love the flame.

Words: George Croly, 1864

An Honesty of Expression

I think I might start writing music.

I realize this could turn out to be not my thing. Sometimes that kind of endeavor just doesn't work out.

But I can't imagine my life without music.

Every time I'm in my room, I have music playing. Every time I work out, I have music playing. Every boyfriend I've ever had has been a musician. Over half of my best friends are musicians. And I think going to concerts is my anti-drug. (Which is kind of ironic.) The one year of high school that I wasn't in the music program, my world slightly crumbled.

One of my favorite quotes was found on the wall of the orchestra room in my high school. "After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." I love it, because it's true.

I'm jealous of music's honesty of emotion.

Watching a musician perform can be a really personal experience. It should be a really personal experience. A good musician writes melodies and lyrics that are intimate, characteristic and honest. Music is so honest. An honest expression. That's what I need. And that's why I'm gonna start writing.

Bunnies, Eggs, and the Savior of the World

Hi Blog-o-sphere.

I started a blog again.

I think the only reason I stopped the other one was because I hadn't written in so long, and I thought it was kind of pointless. Yesterday, however, I snooped on some of my friend's blogs (friends who I didn't even know had blogs, actually) and I realized once again how much I love to write, and how blogging would give me a chance to do that. And so here I am, back online.

I'm writing this from Florida, which, in fact, is very awesome. On an awesome scale of 1 to 10, I'd even say it's an 11. Some may argue 12. A friend of mine comes down south each year around Easter and this year I was invited to join them. (And who, in their right mind, would say no to Florida?!) I've learned it's called the Sunshine State for good reason, too. Yesterday, it was "cloudy" and I had to wear sunglasses. Hooooly toleeeeedo, I want to move here.

Today is Easter. The day the Easter Bunny comes and hides eggs. (Okay. Pause. I know I cannot be the only one to find it completely messed up that the mascot of Easter is a bunny. Is there any relation to Easter and bunnies? No. Also, why would a bunny be delivering eggs? It’s the only springtime animal that does not lay eggs. Stupid. Now I do realize that it comes from some pagan holiday tradition, and the goddess called Easter was a rabbit, or something. But that idea just adds immorality to this whole thing. Stupid. ) Easter is also the day everyone goes to church, even if they never do any other Sunday of the year. Which is something else I fail to understand.

Maybe it’s because I’m a regular churchgoer, and I always have been, but that has got to be the most bizarre thing our society consecutively partakes in, every Easter Sunday. Why do people come to church, just once? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not discouraging anyone from going to a church on Easter, but I’m just wondering if there’s a point to it. Church isn’t a place to just hang out. It’s not a place to “make an appearance.” It’s not a place for casual attitudes. And of all Sundays, Easter Sunday should be the most radical, the most extravagant, the most exhilarated, electrified… life-changing. It should be the one service that keeps you coming back every single Sunday after that. Easter Sunday is the celebration of the foundation of our faith!

There is nothing halfhearted about it.

This morning I sat in a pew behind a family who brought baskets of candy in with them, so that the little girl would have something to do during the service. Girls were texting. Boys were playing with girls’ hair. A grandmother was recommending a good book to her granddaughter. Across the aisle a couple sat together, politely sitting straight up, holding hands at points. They looked as though they were listening attentively. Everyone, including myself, stood when asked to stand, everyone sang when asked to sing. Everyone sat while the Pastor spoke. And after he finished speaking, everyone left when told to leave.

… Did I miss something?

Today is the anniversary of Jesus Christ RESSURRECTING from the DEAD. He died! And then He came back to life! And because of HIM I am now guaranteed Eternal Life forever. Forever! Forever I will LIVE because of what happened on this day so many years ago… And I just sat in a pew for 2 hours?! Did I even think about Him for the rest of the day? Or did I go home and hunt eggs and eat ham and jelly beans?

The MAN who saved the world was raised from the dead. That’s some INTENSE and SERIOUS stuff. I don’t want to spend Easter sitting through a church service and then forgetting about his glorious and merciful sacrifice. Paul didn’t want that either. He said, “I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!” (Philippians 3:10-11)

There’s so much more to this day than going to Church. And although I still don’t understand why the majority of the population came to church today, I know that the entire population needs more than what they’re getting out of this world. Nothing here will satisfy us. Nothing on this earth can quench my thirst for some Higher Love, some Eternal purpose. Especially not egg hunts and Easter bunnies. It's not fair that these things share a holiday with the Savior of the world.

So today, let us rejoice that there is One greater. Let us celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, who was born to die, so that all our sins would be forgiven and we’d be given free admission to the most Holy Place. For “everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord!”

God, grant this world unrest. Enable us to see the unsatisfying ways of this world, and give us a craving for something Eternal, something Jesus secured for us all. Thank you for that. Forgive us all for ever neglecting you, or putting you in the schedule of our busy lives. Lord, be our lives, this day and every day. You’re not just a part of my day today. You’re the reason for it.