Motherhood

I've never really thought about being a mother.

Some girls loved dolls. My younger sister, for example, would carry her doll around everywhere she went. It was more than a toy to her, it was something she really did nurture and care about. In some ways, my stuffed animals were like that to me, when I was younger. I'd play with them in my room, we'd go to carnivals and zoo's for humans together... (Seriously. I was a rascal.) ... but to me, these guys were more like my friends than children. I never really got into the whole doll scene. I only liked Barbie because I could practice some wicked interior design in her Dream House.

As I got older, I started babysitting. For some reason though, it never clicked that "Hey! Someday, you could actually be doing this for your own kids. This could be your life." I regularly babysat three boys when home in the summer or on breaks, and had the TIME of my LIFE ... DAY with those goobers. They're a ton of fun, I really liked hanging with them. But that's kind of what it was for me. Hangin' out. [Is it strange that, to me, I'd rather try out some new nerf guns in the kitchen than go to a boring adult party? I never really thought about it.]

I watched a movie this weekend. It's called "The Family Stone." Has a bunch of big names in it. If I were to describe it in three words, I'd say: predictable, cute, and Hollywood. However, one thing that I walked away from this movie with was something I've never really experienced before... excitement for motherhood.

When the word 'motherhood' is brought up, I normally think of young kids. Elementary school, pre-school, diapers. There's the toys and games, the cowboys and robbers, the Barbie and American Girl... but as I get older, and as my sisters get older, and as my whole family grows older... there's this strange shift in dynamics. And I'm really diggin' it. The parents and the daughters really start to relate to each other, I guess. Similar humor develops, 'real world' problems are discussed and resolved, my opinion has a say as much as Mom's or Dad's. There's a letting go of the responsibilities that come with parenting, or 'motherhood,' and suddenly an ability for me, as a daughter, to step up and help out Mom or Dad with big important issues... not just setting the table.

As I watched "The Family Stone," I saw a family with many struggles, prejudices, boundaries to overcome, and as they were worked through, the cornerstone, Mom, slowly fades in role. It struck me. Here is one woman who has made such an impact on the lives of her children when they were kids, that now, in the present-day of the movie, she's able to turn back to them for help, correction and support. And she needed it.

Suddenly, I want that.

I want to raise a bunch of kids, letting them develop their own styles and attitudes and opinions. I want Christmas at my house in 40 years to be noisy. With laughter and traditions and "remember when's." I want to laugh at their stories of school pranks, embrace their weeping bodies, whispering comfort, and say 'Clean your room' before the guests come over. I want to set for them the greatest example of what a woman should be, how she should act, what she should say, how she should care. I want to nurture.

It's like that instinct that should have kicked in at age 2 with "Susie-Squirts-a-Lot" is now up and at 'em. I am PUMPED for a family!
It's gonna be awesome.



That said, I sure can wait. A good long time, actually.
I have a lot to do before any of these shenanigans get started. And a great deal to mature, change, grow.... especially if I'm going to be the best mother in the world.